Category Archives: Learning

Dinosaur troubles

My darling five year olds homework this week was to write a poem about a dinosaur, IN THE SHAPE OF A DINOSAUR! What? You have got to be kidding me? That sounds like parents home work to me and I have no jeffing idea where to start with it, when I draw a stick man it looks more like a stick than a man and my interpretation of a horse looks like fireworks!

I’ve been trying to get my girl to write on the line from left to right for the last two years and now you want her to write a rhyme down a diplodocus’ neck?


I need to stop saying yes!

Do you ever say yes to something and then get the fear because you don’t quite know what you’ve said yes to?

That’s what I did yesterday at the end of a school volunteers meeting, they have these to run through health and safety, confidentiality and safeguarding, that kind of stuff, but at the end they asked how often I could volunteer, to which year group and what skills I could bring?

I think I’ve signed up to do baton twirling, nine till six, Monday to Thursday! It may not go down so well with my boss.

First day of school

It’s an emotional thing seeing your little ones go off to school for the first time. I knew that I would have tears, but I don’t really know why? Is it because it’s the end of an era, because they’re growing up so quickly or just pride in them?

My daughter started today and I really felt quite up together. We were up breakfast-ed and dressed in plenty of time, all ready for the stand in front of a door in your uniform picture, the picture that will live for ever and be brought out for any and every occasion.

I could feel myself welling up as we approached the gates, but I collected myself, show no fear was the mantra in my mind, if I’m confident so is she. I discovered that parents are allowed into the classroom to get them sorted with their peg for coats etc and was in two minds about it. I needn’t have worried, when the bell went, she gave me a kiss and a “love you mummy” turned on her heels and off she went, not even a glance backwards. That’s my girl!

*I bawled my eyes out all the way home!

Is the tooth fairy flush or skint?

My 5 year old daughter is desperate to lose her baby teeth, so desperate that she gets me to check if any of her pegs are wobbly each evening. She tells me 4 of them are moving around, none of them are. The next night a different 4 are swaying around, but I check them, rock solid.

But I know that we’re urging ever closer to being a bit gummy for a while, so tell me oh wise ones, how much is that lovely but skint tooth fairy leaving these days? Surely it’s metal not paper right?

It’s been a year of firsts and we’re not done yet, end of year teacher presents, what to get? When I saw boxes of matchmakers in the shops for a quid each I thought “Oh yes brilliant, a couple of boxes of them, who doesn’t like matchmakers?“ But when I spoke to some other mums they definitely turned their noses up at the minty sticks so I got all paranoid, went to the off-licence and got a couple of bottles of wine.

It was a little embarrassing walking to school pick up with a gift bag vino in each hand, but I doubt it would be as embarrassing as sending a five-year-old to school with her bag clinking like she’s got some alcohol problem.

Oh I’m such an earth mother!

I have to admit I did get a little nervous when my 5 year old announced she’d learnt a new word at school. Which expletive would it be? So my relief was palpable when she came out with “Namaste”!

It really made me feel like I’d made it as a parent! I had visions of her going to play dates at other people’s houses and coming out with the greeting at the door, the other parents thinking that I’m all earthy and organic and that we dress in hemp clothing and eat lentils, when the truth is we wear onesies all weekend, watch tele and eat chicken nuggets.

How do you tell a child their pets are no more?

It broke my heart yesterday to have to tell my young daughter what happened to our pets, the tadpoles. We’ve had 100 of these things, they’ve all got names even though you can’t tell them apart, swimming around a bucket in the garden for a couple of months now. They’ve taught her life cycles and she’s enjoyed feeding them every day and watching them grow. But at the weekend I noticed that their numbers had diminished somewhat, with only 10 of them left.

From watching out of the window and seeing birds sat on the side of the tub I realised that when they come up to get some food our feathery friends were having them for lunch.

How do you tell a kid that their pet is no more? It’s awful. I tried to justify it with the circle of life, saying the baby sparrows we’d seen also needed feeding, but she was gutted, I was gutted too. We just want to see those funny little things grow into frogs and hop off. Maybe we’ll try again next year, but I don’t know if I can go through it again.