My darling five year olds homework this week was to write a poem about a dinosaur, IN THE SHAPE OF A DINOSAUR! What? You have got to be kidding me? That sounds like parents home work to me and I have no jeffing idea where to start with it, when I draw a stick man it looks more like a stick than a man and my interpretation of a horse looks like fireworks!
I’ve been trying to get my girl to write on the line from left to right for the last two years and now you want her to write a rhyme down a diplodocus’ neck?
Do you ever say yes to something and then get the fear because you don’t quite know what you’ve said yes to?
That’s what I did yesterday at the end of a school volunteers meeting, they have these to run through health and safety, confidentiality and safeguarding, that kind of stuff, but at the end they asked how often I could volunteer, to which year group and what skills I could bring?
I think I’ve signed up to do baton twirling, nine till six, Monday to Thursday! It may not go down so well with my boss.
Hats off to parents that have been carving and hollowing pumpkins for years, that is a tough gig man! It took me an hour per pumpkin, I’ve got rivets in my fingers and cuts on my hands and both orange fruity things look like they were done by a 2 year old!
I remember when I was little and had a birthday party close to Halloween, my dad did 30 of the scary faces, each one an original, for the kids to take home. But it turned out they were all petrified of them and no one was brave enough to take one home, so we were left with a very freaky looking garage, everywhere you turned little orange pumpkin heads laughing and looking at you.
The rush of love I felt when I saw my little girl yesterday was amazing. I did wonder how she’d be with me after I haven’t seen her for five days when I went off on a girls break away to Majorca.
She has a problem with me leaving her for an hour, let alone a day or five days, I was very lucky that my parents said that they would take care of her and that meant that I could properly relax while I was away.
But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel massive pangs of guilt as I stepped onto the aeroplane, as I sipped a cocktail by the pool and as I enjoyed not having to put anybody to bed.
I don’t really know if I’m trying to justify it to you or to myself but I manage to slip away for five days a year that’s it, my five day break and I love it, more than that, I need it.
I’ve already covered off that my daughter doesn’t like me going out on my own, she thinks she’s missing out on a party. It’s been suggested that I take her to too many fun things and so she thinks she’s missing out when I leave her at home, get my gladrags on and head out the door.
So I decided to find something that I can use as an excuse why I’m leaving the house and I found the perfect place this week. On Sunday morning I took her along to a church service, I thought it was pretty good, it was harvest festival there was loads going on and with all the singing I really enjoyed it, my daughter on the other hand did not and sat with a pouty, sulky face for the entire service.
I lost count of the amount of times she said “I am so bored” I had to resist the urge to do something about that boredom because I knew it would come good in the end.
In a conversation in the car on the way home I asked her if she would like to come to church again or if I should get someone to look after her when I was going next time. She plumped for staying at home with someone else. Winner! Let’s see what she thinks of my next trip to the church on a Saturday night with a full face of makeup.
Okay I’m probably the worst mother in the world, I certainly was the worst mother in the school last one day last week when I sent my daughter without any shoes!
The poor thing, I hadn’t packed (I drop her off at silly o’clock in her pyjamas to my amazing childminder) anything to go on her feet and so arriving at school she had to explain to the teacher why she had to take her plimsolls out of her PE kit and wear them until her silly stupid mummy managed to bring him a pair of patent daps.
The embarrassment of walking into the school office and saying “can I deliver these to my year one student please?” it was head in hands, earth swallow me up time.
I FELT AWFUL!!!!
I did, until that is I heard of a friend of mine who sent her child to school with no knickers on and only realised in the park on the swing later that day!