Category Archives: Infants

Bleeding heck…

My four-year-old is doing a project at school about bodies, she’s obsessed with blood. She tells me on a daily basis, there is blood in our feet, in our hands, in our head, in our faces and in our tummies.

When I fell over last week her only concern was how much I bled, it was just a little graze on my knee but she thought Id lost pints! If she falls over, which is every other day, she’ll be fine until she sees the tiniest little drop of claret.

In a discussion about Someone that died she asked “did all their blood come out?” I think I’ve bred vampire in training.

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The big issues

It’s inevitable that kids cry when they’re tired, hey, it’s inevitable that I cry when I’m tired, but at least it’s at a sad film or because I’ve broken my favourite wine glass, but the my 4 year old daughter really goes for it at the slightest thing. Within an hour today we have had meltdowns for these reasons:

*Breaking biscuit in 2 when she wanted it whole, but it wouldn’t fit in the cup of milk

*Me putting her socks on when she wanted to do it herself

*Me taking her socks back off

*The bed covers being minions not the Anna and Elsa duvet covers

*Cos it’s not her birthday

Jeez, I really have to mum up!

The crap British bake off

I knew I’d fall down as a mother when my little one started school and after the first term here came the big hurdle. The parents were asked to donate something to the cake sale now I’m not known for my culinary skills, in fact I’ve been dumped because of my cooking, so doing a Mary Berry impression fills me with utter glee.

As a parent of a schoolgirl you can’t send them with nothing, especially as it’s the first time that they’ve asked us to bake anything, I got nervous went through some recipe books and settled on a box of cake mix I found the back of the cupboard. I thought it was being quite earth mother to get my girl involved with the mixing and the icing and the decorating and of course that excuses me because they really did look like they’ve been made by a four-year-old.

The moment of truth, the table of sweet treats in the playground, and yes all six cupcakes that we made was still there even though about 1000 people had already bought cakes. There’s only one thing for it we bought them all to save the embarrassment of anybody else having to eat them all then being thrown away.

The Christmas nightmare

Have you ever had a nightmare with kids presents? Did you get the wrong batteries or none at all and have to cope with a distraught child?

Since last Christmas my 4 year old daughter has been going on about getting a hatchimal, but because they were last years ‘must have’ they were in the shops for £80.

So when I saw one in the summer for £45, I thought, bargain! I’ve got it and wrapped it ready for the 25th and then read a story in the paper this week that sent me into a panic.

A woman bought one of these toys that you can’t see until it’s hatched and quickly realised it was fake when the bird that came from the egg didn’t have any feathers and rather than it making cutesie noises it rather sounded like it was having sex!

I have hatched (excuse the pun) a cunning plan, bought another ready for it to be substituted on Christmas Day, should said bird be a rude one.

I can just imagine the meltdown as it’s nothing like she wanted and have a vision of me banging on the toy shop window for 2 days, hoping that they’ll save me!

Nativity problems

The cast list has gone up and hearts are broken, she only got the role of sheep 2. You would think it was the end of the world for my friends 6 year old daughter, sobbing uncontrollably at the thought of having no other lines than “baaaa baaaaa!” To say at the nativity. I totally get where she’s coming from, it’s the equivalent of being put in goal in football, that you couldn’t fulfill the bigger role (and you’ve got to wear a fluffy rug around you.)

They always say that every role is important, but just remember, this is a cutthroat world and no ‘extra’ has ever received an Oscar!

Approaching my daughters first school show, I’ve got my fingers crossed for the part of Mary, but who knows, maybe she’s destined to be a festive frog or a Yule mule. Have you had any experience of this, good or bad? How did it turn out?

How to finish with the moon?

All the way through being a mum I’ve sort of had a project on the go, it’s the main issue of the day if you like, I’ll concentrate on that until we get it nailed then look for the next mission.

So, it might be eating decent food or potty training or not taking your clothes off in the park.

Right now I think I’m gaining on my biggest win to date. After sleeping in with me for 2 years, I have got my 4 year old daughter to sleep in her own bed in her own room, hoooorrrraaaaayyyyy!!! But that doesn’t mean I haven’t had to endure pain on the way. Nights of getting up 7 or 8 times in the night are not rare and we’ve had many a melt down after getting to the top of the stairs at bedtime. But she’s finally got there…..with bribery.

Every morning the moon, the lovely kind hearted moon that used to put her in my bed, leaves her a present under her bed if she’s been there all night. Felt tip pens, a purse, a torch, socks (whatever I’ve bought at the shop that day, she even got a tin of rice pudding one morning) they all spur her on to being a “big girl” and stay there overnight.

Problem is, I’ve been doing this, sorry, the moon has been doing this for 3 months now and is running out of ideas and money. Any tricks you lovely people have for bringing this tradition to a close would be gratefully received?