Category Archives: Holidays

Trumping etiquette

A 4 year old girl I know, was round at her granny and grandpa’s house when she announced “I just farted!” The granny was quite shocked at the word and said “no, you just let out some windy pops.”

A little while later whist playing, the girl turned back to her grandparents and told them “I just farted some windy pops!”

Hahaha out of the mouths of babes.

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The crap British bake off

I knew I’d fall down as a mother when my little one started school and after the first term here came the big hurdle. The parents were asked to donate something to the cake sale now I’m not known for my culinary skills, in fact I’ve been dumped because of my cooking, so doing a Mary Berry impression fills me with utter glee.

As a parent of a schoolgirl you can’t send them with nothing, especially as it’s the first time that they’ve asked us to bake anything, I got nervous went through some recipe books and settled on a box of cake mix I found the back of the cupboard. I thought it was being quite earth mother to get my girl involved with the mixing and the icing and the decorating and of course that excuses me because they really did look like they’ve been made by a four-year-old.

The moment of truth, the table of sweet treats in the playground, and yes all six cupcakes that we made was still there even though about 1000 people had already bought cakes. There’s only one thing for it we bought them all to save the embarrassment of anybody else having to eat them all then being thrown away.

Doesn’t Christmas go on?

Christmas must be so confusing for children, it feels like it goes on forever doesn’t it? My four-year-old asked last night why somebody still had their twinkly lights up outside the house. I tried to reply but I knew I was fighting a losing battle, trying to explain that we are currently in the 12 days of Christmas and lights don’t have to be down until January 5th, then add in the advent calendar where you open a window every day for 24 days and the fact that we went to see Father Christmas in mid November and it’s no wonder she believes that Christmas goes on longer than the X factor!

New Year’s Eve-what do you do?

I’m not a massive fan of New Year’s Eve, never have been, I think it’s for people who don’t normally go out and too much pressure to stay awake and smile, but I go along with it and mark it every twelve months. So, NYE-to go out or not?

That’s the dilemma every year, when she was a baby it was easy, take her along, she’ll sleep anywhere in her buggy, but as she’s got older it’s more of an issue. I’m only talking about house parties by the way, don’t picture us giving it large in a nightclub!

This year we’re going to someone’s house and I think the best thing to do is drive, here’s my thinking, if she wants to sleep, I’m sure she can go on top of one of the beds, but if we get a whinger of an evening, I can whip her home with no bother and not ruin the celebration for anyone else. One thing I do know is that she definitely will not make midnight, there’s a very good chance I’ll be asleep too!

The Christmas nightmare

Have you ever had a nightmare with kids presents? Did you get the wrong batteries or none at all and have to cope with a distraught child?

Since last Christmas my 4 year old daughter has been going on about getting a hatchimal, but because they were last years ‘must have’ they were in the shops for £80.

So when I saw one in the summer for £45, I thought, bargain! I’ve got it and wrapped it ready for the 25th and then read a story in the paper this week that sent me into a panic.

A woman bought one of these toys that you can’t see until it’s hatched and quickly realised it was fake when the bird that came from the egg didn’t have any feathers and rather than it making cutesie noises it rather sounded like it was having sex!

I have hatched (excuse the pun) a cunning plan, bought another ready for it to be substituted on Christmas Day, should said bird be a rude one.

I can just imagine the meltdown as it’s nothing like she wanted and have a vision of me banging on the toy shop window for 2 days, hoping that they’ll save me!

Nativity problems

The cast list has gone up and hearts are broken, she only got the role of sheep 2. You would think it was the end of the world for my friends 6 year old daughter, sobbing uncontrollably at the thought of having no other lines than “baaaa baaaaa!” To say at the nativity. I totally get where she’s coming from, it’s the equivalent of being put in goal in football, that you couldn’t fulfill the bigger role (and you’ve got to wear a fluffy rug around you.)

They always say that every role is important, but just remember, this is a cutthroat world and no ‘extra’ has ever received an Oscar!

Approaching my daughters first school show, I’ve got my fingers crossed for the part of Mary, but who knows, maybe she’s destined to be a festive frog or a Yule mule. Have you had any experience of this, good or bad? How did it turn out?

Caught cake handed! 

Caught out! Yep I got caught red handed trying to hide the fact that I was stuffing my face with chocolate Swiss roll from a kids party buffet. I wasn’t even hungry until the bowls of sausages and crisps started to come out.

My daughter only eats 3 wotsits and half a chicken nugget on average at these things, so I actually see it as my duty to not let the rest go to waste. With a mug of tea in one hand I pounced with perfect timing so people would think I was delivering that slice of cake to my girl, but in actual fact I was going to turn my back and aim it straight at my face, like it had got there by accident. 😂