Caught out! Yep I got caught red handed trying to hide the fact that I was stuffing my face with chocolate Swiss roll from a kids party buffet. I wasn’t even hungry until the bowls of sausages and crisps started to come out.
My daughter only eats 3 wotsits and half a chicken nugget on average at these things, so I actually see it as my duty to not let the rest go to waste. With a mug of tea in one hand I pounced with perfect timing so people would think I was delivering that slice of cake to my girl, but in actual fact I was going to turn my back and aim it straight at my face, like it had got there by accident. 😂
In the summer holidays were all looking for things to keep the kids occupied, so please can I pass on my little tip to you. Having just got back from a very rainy and muddy Camp Bestival weekend at certain times it was easier said than done entertaining our little rugrats, but we stumbled upon something rather wonderful when inside the tent because rain had stopped playing.
Eating jelly with a fork it turns out is hilarious, tasty and takes a long time cos it keeps dropping off. How brilliant, I'm applying this principle to everything during the next month to see if it will hold off the screams of "Mummmmmmyyyyyyy!" (See my last blog) I wonder what else I can do it with? Spaghetti with a cocktail stick? Drawing only with things found in the garden?
Mess made- a few crumbs from the sandwich and a muddy footprint on the edge of the seat
Bonus points for the Toyota Yaris- when you pull away at a junction it sounds like you’re taking off, which also doubles as a great in car game of aeroplanes
No sooner had we pulled away from the show room but there came a tiny voice from the back seat asking for food. As she had her lunch box beside her I asked to get something from that rather than grappling in the front for a half eaten wagon wheel.
My 4 year old picked out a yoghurt with no spoon (thank goodness, can you imagine it in a moving vehicle? She manages to get it on the tele and in her hair when she eats it at the table) and a jam sandwich. I daren’t look, somehow jam always ends up in the air but then is drawn to any material thing to make it red and sticky, no good when you’ve set yourself a challenge to keep this Toyota Yaris looking plush.
For 4 years now I’ve been blogging about how I constantly get being a mum wrong and letting you know about the mistakes and stupid stuff my daughter and I get up to. It has always served as a bit of therapy and of course you lovely people have helped me out no end with suggestions about how to tackle a problem or recounting stories of when you’ve failed too! I don’t get paid to do it and never expected to, I just wanted to feel like I wasn’t going on the roller coaster of motherhood alone….
Until now that is, turns out the lovely people at Snows Toyota have been following my badmum blog and have come to the somewhat surprising decision to offer me a car for a couple of weeks and see how badmum gets on…..
What challenge you ask? The challenge all mothers face…. How do I get through a journey without spillage, breakage or any other ‘age that often results in a random Strawberry Bon bons being stuck to my backside all day without my knowledge or agreement….yeah, you know it, that kind of thing.
Have people always sent cards to their children for Valentine’s Day? Is this a new thing or something my parents just didn’t join in with? As well as being made to feel sick with all the couple pictures on social media (love them so much? Tell them face to face maybe?) it’s now de rigueur to get your kids in on the act too. Although I doubt my 4 year old would be very impressed with flowers and a poem that I’d written about her. But it’s exactly that I’ve seen on Twitter this morning!
Mums and Dads going over the top almost like their kid has a second birthday on 14th February. C’mon people stop, let’s get back to that day being about sending your crush a cheeky card to make them feel loved, nothing more, stop spooling it. And don’t get me started on dad’s taking daughters on “dates”
Soft play, most people’s idea of hell on earth. Brightly coloured crash mats and climbing frames all covered in snot and jammie dodgers. That’s why the kids MUST keep their socks on, just in case the slip on something that shouldn’t be there. There’s a coffee shop that sells cakes that are too good not to eat even at this time of year and sofas that allow me to lie back and shut my eyes just for a second, even if I can’t block out the excited squeals coming out the bottom of the twisty tube slide. Approximately every 20 seconds a call will come from somewhere “mummmmmyyyy” as 30 alert mothers turn their heads like meerkats.
Even with all this going on we managed to stay for 4 hours, really got our money’s worth out of our £4 entry fee. My little un went up the climbing frame and back down the slide, did a great impression of Miley Cyrus on the plastic cannonball thing and played with other children until one of them looked at her funny. In fact the only reason we didn’t stay for another couple of hours is because my phone ran out of battery.
Let’s just have a little conversation about this woman who has tried to charge another mother £325 after a pair of boots got pen on them at a play date. Whaaaat? I’ve got too many questions, like why is a little girl wearing such expensive shoes if you’re going to be so prissy about it? Poor little mite apparently had some other shoes to wear outside in a bag with her, but the red footwear was “ruined” after she wore them to go and play. The three year old was probably so excited to go in the garden with her mates that she didn’t think about the consequences, of course she didn’t, she’s 3!
There’s no kid in the world that doesn’t like going outside and getting muddy, so why not put them in cheap clothes or do what I do with my daughter when she’s caked in dirt from a run around the woods, strip her off beside the washing machine and chuck it all straight in. (I’d put little un in too if I could.)
Would you be annoyed if your child came home dirty? Would you stop them wearing shoes outside because they’re too expensive?
I would suggest that she would be better off buying a doll that she can dress up and I will carry on putting my girl in the £10 outfit. And if we’re going to charge people for damage to property then I think I probably owe my mates a fair whack.